Friday 30 December 2016

One of my main passions in life is animals, and I have the privilege of spending a lot of time in close capacity to animals and it has made me who I am, and I got that opportunity to do this through Animal Antiks. Animal antiks is an organisation set up to enable young people, just like me, to find themselves and shine in their strengths and grow in their weaknesses through engaging with animals. Through bonding with animal’s horses, I have truly become myself. When I got to know the horses I just felt so at peace, and the more time I got to spend with them the more I got to know about myself. It is well and truly like I have found a missing piece of myself, a piece that quite a lot of people would call purpose. Even on my worst days I know that I have something that I can do, even when all the world seems against me I know that I have some creatures who will be there to listen and just be on my side. I owe so much to animal antiks, without them I wouldn’t have a life merely just an existence and If I lost that I would be devastated. The wonderful place that makes me so happy is about to disappear; the hs2 is going through the farm meaning there is nowhere for this life changing organisation to do what it does best. So, I am here pleading with you to share this video or give some money to the just giving page (both will be linked below). If you can do anything to help please comment bellow, it really is worth it, i would not be here as i am without them.
https://www.justgiving.com/crowdfunding/animal-antiks
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-TcZeRd5mv4

Monday 12 December 2016

Top 15 books (in no order)
11      Wonder
22      The harry potter series
33       Will grayson, will grayson
44       I never gave my consent
55       The weight of silence
66       Faceless
77       Everything, everything
88       The art of being normal
9 9The fault in our stars- john green
110.   Me before you
111.   All I know now
112.   Looking for Alaska- john green
113.   Fangirl
114.   The last act of love-

115.   Perks of being a wall flower 

Thursday 1 December 2016

dear the girl who is in all myslef selfies,
i really wanted us to work, and fulfil all of those fantasies we'd planed, get through high school together, with many late night study sessions and sleepovers, go to uni together, share a room and paint it as yellow as the sun and plaster it with pictures of us, so every night before wed go to sleep we could remember how great our friendship is. then we would graduate together and party (a lot) take a year travelling creating many more memories, we would eventually go our separate ways, get married, get a job, have kids, grow old, retire and the usual life things, but we would always have each other. but, through it all you would always be a huge part of my life, the chief bridesmaid at my wedding, the first person id tell about my job, auntie to my children and my partner in growing old disgracefully. no matter how great that plan was, life isn't a fairy tale and things dont always work out the way you want them to. and it kills me, that out of all of the things that didn't go to plan, why on earth did life have to screw up this one. no matter how much i want to be with you through all the good times and even be part of a fair few, i just want you to be happy, even if i am am not part of that. please stay safe, remember
how loved you are and i hope that you have the most amazing life, even if it isnt one which fits me in it. treat everyone with kindes, especially yourself, stay your idiotic self forever.

Wednesday 30 November 2016

30 facts about me
  1. My full name is Ellie Marie Gardner thomas
  2. i am a vegetarian 
  3. my favourite subject is English
  4. my harry potter house is raven-claw
  5. i love to drink tea
  6. i play piano, flute, cello and sing
  7. my zodiac sign is a cancer
  8. my favourite smell is fresh washing
  9. autumn is my favourite season
  10. passenger is my favourite music artist
  11. i love to dance
  12. my worst habit is biting my nails
  13. i ride horses 
  14. my favourite song of all time is yellow by cold-play 
  15. i take art, drama and history gcses
  16. my favourite animal is a hedgehog
  17. im 4'11
  18. i have a infj personality
  19. i once shaved my eyebrow off
  20. my biggest goal in life is to make a difference to the world, no matter how small
  21. my friends and family call me ello 
  22. my biggest pet peeve is people sitting in my seat 
  23. biggest turn off in people is when they judge others
  24. i love freckles
  25. i want a pet cat
  26. wasps scare the hell out of me
  27. i give too many chances
  28. i write a to do list each day
  29. when im nervous i play with my hair
  30. i have read 37 books so far this year

Tuesday 29 November 2016

she walked herself to a bridge
not too far out of town
the weight of her world 
dragging her down
trapped here on earth
hiding behind a smile
she had been feeling this way for a while
too small too weak
too far away 
from the person she was yesterday
she began to walk
knowing it was her time
up onto the bridge 
she started to climb
i saw a peace in her eyes
which i had never seen before
an indescribable, unexplainable peace
which made me want to save her even more
i watched
as the words they said
made the girl who loved life
wish she was dead
too much too soon,
too heavy, too fast
trying, wishing to escape
from her suffocating past
the wind picked up
about to blow her away
she decided she wanted to try
for just one more day 
just too see the stars
and how theyd glow that night
then she would continue
to carry on and fight
because stars shine
day after day
but there is only one of her
to be taken away
                                                                                                                                                                 
                     

Sunday 27 November 2016


Fireworks, beautiful, exiting, wonderful, right? Well sure, if they’re not erupting into the empty acidic pit of your stomach filling you entirely. Katherine wheels re arranging your internal map, rockets dividing everything you thought you knew against everything you’re about to find out, sparklers igniting in crevices of your shell like body you never knew existed. These fireworks crawl up your throat, the searing pain becomes the only thing you can truly focus on, they catapult up into your brain as you race against them trying to save your thoughts from corruption from these fireworks. your heart is beating with your whole body, loud enough to provide rhythm for every song ever sung. You ascend into the sky with these fireworks, even when they stop marking the sky you’re left floating above the world seeing it spinning, with no way to find control and pull yourself back down into the world again, everything just a hazy pinprick mark orbiting around itself which you’re floating further and further away from. tears impale through my eye brimming and burning corroding away who I was. Nothing makes any type of sense, the world is spinning at an uncontrollable rate. Every decibel amplifies to hear shattering volumes, stampeding around your head, everything is too close, the slightest movement ricochets the fireworks back to circumnavigating my heart, everything is unfamiliar as if a spirit had transpired from your person to explore unknown terrifying new places. Lights are stark, pierce straight through my eyes, shattering my eyes which are glazed over like freshly cut glass, the world is scary. When the fireworks finally retreat and you begin the seemingly perpetual journey back to normality you notice your fingertips are dripping and wrinkled like you just bathed in the vastest horror filled ocean, your whole body jerking like a car whose engine wont quite start, breathing begins to starts paining and becoming a chore to your lungs as if something is stuck inside your chest filling your lungs up making your breathing faster and faster shallower and shallower like a riptide taking place in a rock pool. You realise what you’ve become, your whole body starts to ache dully, eyelids heavier than the weight of the world, nausea sitting where the fireworks live, ready to sleep but you don’t give in. you don’t talk because that makes the fireworks angry, so you just trapse along wondering when the fireworks will next decide to attack. It’s like an everlasting smoke always behind you, lingering, it stench sticking to your skin but no matter how many times you try and cleanse yourself it always there.


Saturday 26 November 2016

welcome

hi, i am ellie, i hide behind words this is me hiding in a way i want to share with others.