Wednesday 30 November 2016

30 facts about me
  1. My full name is Ellie Marie Gardner thomas
  2. i am a vegetarian 
  3. my favourite subject is English
  4. my harry potter house is raven-claw
  5. i love to drink tea
  6. i play piano, flute, cello and sing
  7. my zodiac sign is a cancer
  8. my favourite smell is fresh washing
  9. autumn is my favourite season
  10. passenger is my favourite music artist
  11. i love to dance
  12. my worst habit is biting my nails
  13. i ride horses 
  14. my favourite song of all time is yellow by cold-play 
  15. i take art, drama and history gcses
  16. my favourite animal is a hedgehog
  17. im 4'11
  18. i have a infj personality
  19. i once shaved my eyebrow off
  20. my biggest goal in life is to make a difference to the world, no matter how small
  21. my friends and family call me ello 
  22. my biggest pet peeve is people sitting in my seat 
  23. biggest turn off in people is when they judge others
  24. i love freckles
  25. i want a pet cat
  26. wasps scare the hell out of me
  27. i give too many chances
  28. i write a to do list each day
  29. when im nervous i play with my hair
  30. i have read 37 books so far this year

Tuesday 29 November 2016

she walked herself to a bridge
not too far out of town
the weight of her world 
dragging her down
trapped here on earth
hiding behind a smile
she had been feeling this way for a while
too small too weak
too far away 
from the person she was yesterday
she began to walk
knowing it was her time
up onto the bridge 
she started to climb
i saw a peace in her eyes
which i had never seen before
an indescribable, unexplainable peace
which made me want to save her even more
i watched
as the words they said
made the girl who loved life
wish she was dead
too much too soon,
too heavy, too fast
trying, wishing to escape
from her suffocating past
the wind picked up
about to blow her away
she decided she wanted to try
for just one more day 
just too see the stars
and how theyd glow that night
then she would continue
to carry on and fight
because stars shine
day after day
but there is only one of her
to be taken away
                                                                                                                                                                 
                     

Sunday 27 November 2016


Fireworks, beautiful, exiting, wonderful, right? Well sure, if they’re not erupting into the empty acidic pit of your stomach filling you entirely. Katherine wheels re arranging your internal map, rockets dividing everything you thought you knew against everything you’re about to find out, sparklers igniting in crevices of your shell like body you never knew existed. These fireworks crawl up your throat, the searing pain becomes the only thing you can truly focus on, they catapult up into your brain as you race against them trying to save your thoughts from corruption from these fireworks. your heart is beating with your whole body, loud enough to provide rhythm for every song ever sung. You ascend into the sky with these fireworks, even when they stop marking the sky you’re left floating above the world seeing it spinning, with no way to find control and pull yourself back down into the world again, everything just a hazy pinprick mark orbiting around itself which you’re floating further and further away from. tears impale through my eye brimming and burning corroding away who I was. Nothing makes any type of sense, the world is spinning at an uncontrollable rate. Every decibel amplifies to hear shattering volumes, stampeding around your head, everything is too close, the slightest movement ricochets the fireworks back to circumnavigating my heart, everything is unfamiliar as if a spirit had transpired from your person to explore unknown terrifying new places. Lights are stark, pierce straight through my eyes, shattering my eyes which are glazed over like freshly cut glass, the world is scary. When the fireworks finally retreat and you begin the seemingly perpetual journey back to normality you notice your fingertips are dripping and wrinkled like you just bathed in the vastest horror filled ocean, your whole body jerking like a car whose engine wont quite start, breathing begins to starts paining and becoming a chore to your lungs as if something is stuck inside your chest filling your lungs up making your breathing faster and faster shallower and shallower like a riptide taking place in a rock pool. You realise what you’ve become, your whole body starts to ache dully, eyelids heavier than the weight of the world, nausea sitting where the fireworks live, ready to sleep but you don’t give in. you don’t talk because that makes the fireworks angry, so you just trapse along wondering when the fireworks will next decide to attack. It’s like an everlasting smoke always behind you, lingering, it stench sticking to your skin but no matter how many times you try and cleanse yourself it always there.


Saturday 26 November 2016

welcome

hi, i am ellie, i hide behind words this is me hiding in a way i want to share with others.